What's New?

Say the word ‘news’ seven times and it will start to sound a bit like the word ‘snooze’. Coincidence? I think not. 

The news has become anything but that, all the stories I see are just a perpetual regurgitations of old ones. Of course this isn't the news’ fault it’s ours for not doing better things to get on the news. I can quite happily go without any news at all in my life and just assume that there’s a war going on somewhere, a celebrity is doing something or died, the financial crisis is ever present and paedophiles are still fucking kids. It’s not harsh to say, it’s just the news. The rest is just details, and that’s where things become strange.

People that watch the news might tell you that they watch it because they like to know what’s going on in the world, why? Because it’s interesting right? Well the way I see it is the news is really no different to reality TV. It’s just as voyeuristic and equally as pointless. Maybe there was a point in time when the news inspired people to do something positive to change the bad news to good news but nowadays it’s pretty much just another form of entertainment, entertainment for perverted, violent and most of all fucking nosey humans just like you and me. Of course the news lies and exaggerates things but we’re the crowd that cheers it on, more mass shootings! More terrorists! More Kate and Wills baby, for Christ sake tell me what the little shits blanket is made out of before I jump off the top of this multi story!

Having lived through debatably the greatest televised news story of all time 9/11, I'm not sure much could shock/excite me now. Tragic as those events were I'm sure it is for 99% of us our most memorable episode. It’s hardly surprising that a lot of people loose their apathy when the lines between entertainment and reality are so transparent. It’s possible that people reading this might feel like I'm a bit of an arse hole for putting across this view or that I'm insensitive because I don’t see a soldiers death any different to a drug addict dying of an overdose but to those people I’d say this. You are the worst. Apathy never did shit for anyone; the queen laying a wreath on cold stone does nothing to honour a man or woman that will not see another day because of a higher agenda, Whether you watch it in HD or not. The truth is people don’t think they just do, and as long as that continues so will all the finger pointing and judgement that keeps us in this never ending cycle of insanity.

Now turn off the news and go help an old lady cross the road. 

Super Dry

Hello Humans,

So last year I was in London?

 I moved to East London just over a year ago to follow my dream of becoming a popular artist within the genre of Hip Hop music. I have under another alias had some success in this field, and figured that out of all the proverbial work pies I've had my finger in, this one might seem the least like holding my head underwater for 8 hours a day while simultaneously having dog toys shoved into my anus. I may not be able to hold down a job all that well but I knew when coming to our great Capital that I couldn't get by on my cheeky smile and knack for making impressive fart noises with my armpit. So armed with my impressively colourful CV I set out to find myself some employment.

 I thought back to my previous work history and decided if I was to give away hours of my life at a price to afford food and shelter that I wanted a job with the least amount of responsibility. Luckily I had a friend with a connection to a manager at a SuperDry store in West Field shopping centre Stratford (a thoroughly horrid place). So I popped down to hand over my credentials.  After dazzling them with my finely tuned interview techniques they had no choice but to hire me, and before I knew it I was there folding up Japanese inspired clothing to an ear bursting symphony of the latest dub step/house/indie mash up. You know what? Just helping people buy dumb shit that made them look even more stupid than when they walked in gave me a real sense of... well err... a real sense of...? Fuck, it just brought some money in.

Thing is I knew it wouldn't be too long before I grew tired of turning up to the same place to do shit that I have no interest in for the sake of a small pay check. It’s really not about the people I worked with, they were all nice enough. It was the uncompromising way in which this shop and loads others like it are run. I know it’s got nothing on the harsh working conditions of other countries but I still reckon walking about the same small area for 5 hours at a time while they insist on playing fucking horrible music on loop is not good for your brain. Not to mention how it’s very much frowned upon to talk to one of your colleagues for any length of time.

 The funny thing was after I’d handed in my resignation because I was convinced the illuminate planed to bomb the London 2012 Olympics, a regional manager came into the pretty much empty shop and caught me sitting in one of the fitting rooms. I could tell instantly how absolutely pissed off he was about it!? He then sent one of my supervisors over to tell me how upset he was and that as well as never sitting down I should also take out my chewing gum? Of course knowing I was leaving anyway I said that if he was upset with me for sitting down or chewing gum I’d gladly explain to him why I was doing those things. 

The conversation I thought might go something like this...

Him – “why are you sitting down?”

Me – “Because my legs were tired from standing”

Him- “why are you chewing gum?”

Me – “because I want to have fresh breath”

He never did come over. Twat.